I woke up singing a song of praise. I usually wake up with some kind of song to God in my head. The only way I can explain it is the Holy Spirit puts it in there before I wake because He knows chances are great I will need it. He knows I’ll need a song streaming in my head before the words of this world start bombarding me. Today, I woke singing, “I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing, You are good to me.”
I’m gonna be honest, I’ve always been a little indifferent towards that song. It’s not like a bad country song that you just can’t shake from your mind. But, when I hear it come on the radio I usually change the station. So, why is it running through my mind like a broken record? Yeah, you know. Start counting those blessings, Stephanie.
I tend to start thinking I’m pretty good at being thankful. But then I find my praying is in a rut. “Thank you, God for …” It isn’t as if I am ungrateful for all the stuff that just gets moved around for dusting (or not being dusted) or the situations in which I have truly seen God’s presence. Or for Jesus and salvation.
Still, my day seems to have this underlying thought, that little nagging thing in the back of my mind that isn’t so thankful for how things really are right now. I get those feelings that everyone else has something I don’t. THEY didn’t have to go through this. THEY didn’t have that something taken away. THEY are living the good life; whatever that is. THEY are getting all the attention. THEY.
All my thanks ends up null and void when my thoughts turn to that underlying feeling of ingratitude.
When I wake with a song about counting blessings my first thought, of course, is ‘but God!’ Remember, I think I’m pretty thankful. This shouldn’t have come as any surprise. God’s been working on me for a couple of weeks on this one. There’s a bible verse that’s been hounding me:
“anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me …” ~ Matthew 10: 37 NIV
I love my kids. A lot. Lately, I’ve been a little preoccupied with my love for them. And boy-howdy do I miss the one with Jesus these days. A friend nailed it when she said I will have a longing for Heaven that others do not share as deeply. Oh, how I long for Heaven and to see my boy again.
But, when did I stop longing for Jesus in the home of Heaven? When did I stop seeing God and start seeking someone else in the magnificence of a sunset? When did my worship switch to focusing more on me and my pain than Christ and His healing and glory? When did I stop counting these blessings?
Matthew 10:38 is a well-used verse in our Christian world. It’s the one about taking up your cross and following Jesus. It’s about giving up stuff, money, worldly things, right? I think he tells a rich man something like this somewhere else (Luke 18:18-30). (And also, in Matthew 16 He addresses taking up our cross.) But, this part? It’s all for me. Those few words right before taking up our cross instruct us -me- to not love our kids more than Jesus. That’s where I fall these days.
Today, I am remembering He is good. I am remembering my longing for Jesus should be first. And I am remember to count my blessings, even the difficult ones.